What I've learned: Canes work better on the ladies than puppies. If you're Jewish and live in the Princeton Plainsboro area, you will develop something life-threatening. Bribing your boss for a date is not at all reprehensible.

I've learned that lying to your doctor is the dumbest thing you can do!

I've learned that what I was taught about syphilis in health class was wrong. Syphilis is a fun disease, making you nicer and sexier with no bad side effects at all. I've learned that there is no such thing as patient confidentiality, and you should expect your employees to covertly test you for diseases without permission and then tell the results to everyone you know.

I've learned that it's never, ever, EVER lupus. Unless you're a magician. Then it can be lupus.

I've learned that even if you get fired, you can still mooch around the old workplace so long as you start sleeping with your ex-boss' best friend.

I've learned that the penalty for violating deals is having to take care of patients(the horror!)

Only the young and beautiful ever have odd medical problems.

Skull fractures are harmless.

I've learned that Melbourne has one hell of a medical hypnosis rotation.

LOVE IS DOOM. If she doesn't cheat on you or poison you with gold or mutilate your leg, then she'll die in a bus crash or turn out to be your sister.

Don't do drugs, because if you do, you will get into a bus accident, your kidneys will shut down, and said drugs will kill you. Of course then you'll die in RSL's arms and that just might be worth it. :D