Water's October, Right?: House Fanfiction Discussion

My pet peeve in the sex scenes? Erm, how did simple_man put it in one of his rants? I think it was "One Finger, Two Finger, Three Finger, Go!" Alot of first time fics take this route and it seems like going from 0 to 60. I don't know, I just think they might not try everything on the menu on the first go round, you know? My other super duper pet peeve I can barely type because it squicks me out so bad. Mentions of leaking fluids of a pre-orgasmic nature. C'mon, please don't make me say it. Genitals "oozing" and "leaking" isn't all that sexy. Maybe it's just me, but yick.

Mentions of leaking fluids of a pre-orgasmic nature. C'mon, please don't make me say it. Genitals "oozing" and "leaking" isn't all that sexy. Maybe it's just me, but yick. Ohh GAH. A resounding yes to this. assdfdsdgfgh. Descriptive words that need to be avoided at all costs when writing a sex scene: - oozing - dribbling - leaking - spewing - dripping - creamy - fur (ie, to describe pubic hair) - seminal syrup Not to mention the amount. Some of the sex scenes I've read where there have been mentions of volume in seminal output, it's a wonder the characters didn't drown in bodily fluids or get washed away off the bed like a dam wall had broken.

seminal syrup Oh, ticcy, no! ::gasps:: Please tell me someone DID NOT use that! Oy. it's a wonder the characters didn't drown in bodily fluids or get washed away off the bed like a dam wall had broken. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! So true. Now I have an image of Wilson clinging for dear life to a table leg yelling "HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!" (of course, this is after his chocolate eyes met House's azure ones during the moment of perfectly simultaneous orgasms (hello!) during which the words "I love you, James" and "I love you more, Gregory" were moaned breathily) Additional pet peeve? The word "cerulean" I never had anything against this word until the 800th fanfic that used it to describe House's eyes.

Oh, ticcy, no! ::gasps:: Please tell me someone DID NOT use that! Unfortunately, I kid you not. But, might I add, I have come across WORSE. (I kind of deliberately trawl around for bad smut fics, because they amuse me to the extreme. But in doing this, I have come across turns of phrase in said smut fics that would make your metaphorical, er, cyber penis go limp for life.) Now I have an image of Wilson clinging for dear life to a table leg yelling "HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!" (of course, this is after his chocolate eyes met House's azure ones during the moment of perfectly simultaneous orgasms (hello!) during which the words "I love you, James" and "I love you more, Gregory" were moaned breathily) ahahaHAHA. That right there is a cracktastic bad fic just BEGGING TO BE WRITTEN. "The Semen Tsunami"! XD

(of course, this is after his chocolate eyes met House's azure ones during the moment of perfectly simultaneous orgasms (hello!) during which the words "I love you, James" and "I love you more, Gregory" were moaned breathily) No, no, no. House would say "I love you, Jimmy". He might add a Boy Wonder Oncologist in there somewhere, because people seem to love using that in fics. I have nothing against that quote in general, but in fics? Overused. The Semen Tsunami You owe me one new laptop and another can of diet coke.

And also: Additional pet peeve? The word "cerulean" I never had anything against this word until the 800th fanfic that used it to describe House's eyes. I've never understood the need to describe House's eyes in the first place. We all know what they look like! I tell you what is funny, though - those first-person fics you come across on places like The Pit, especially the ones told in House's POV: "I looked at Cameron with my piercing blue orbs". Lol what. Makes House sound like something out of WoW, no?

ahahaHAHA. That right there is a cracktastic bad fic just BEGGING TO BE WRITTEN. "The Semen Tsunami"! XD ticcy, I hope you have a good job, because you owe me a computer and a poncey organic gourmet latte (and that fair trade brew ain't cheap) In penance, I think you need to write The Semen Tsunami. Consider it repayment.

The Semen Tsunami You owe me one new laptop and another can of diet coke. I say, I'm rather low on funds, old bean. Would a crack fic to do with said gargantuan seminal proportions be due repayment?

Would a crack fic to do with said gargantuan seminal proportions be due repayment? Hells yeah! Bring it on! It will be the very first fic commissioned by the HHOW crew.

ticcy, I hope you have a good job, because you owe me a computer and a poncey organic gourmet latte (and that fair trade brew ain't cheap) In penance, I think you need to write The Semen Tsunami. Consider it repayment. My penance shall be paid! Plot bunnies are fornicating as I type. I promise you'll be swept away!

seminal syrup The Semen Tsunami Oh my god! I can hardly stop shaking enough to type this. The tears are just rollong down my face!! HAHAHAHA!!

Anyone any comments on why fic writers are often so bad at writing smut, particularly of the slash variety - apart from the obvious that most of us are women :) seminal syrup Dear lord, words fail me..... Ticcy, its clear you'll fit right in around here ;D

The Semen Tsunami You owe me one new laptop and another can of diet coke. I say, I'm rather low on funds, old bean. Would a crack fic to do with said gargantuan seminal proportions be due repayment? If it's in first person, with gratuitous eye-descriptions, then I think I may owe you something. That sounded vaguely dirty...Meh. Bonus points if someone drowns and ends up in PPTH, fighting for their life.

And also: Additional pet peeve? The word "cerulean" I never had anything against this word until the 800th fanfic that used it to describe House's eyes. I've never understood the need to describe House's eyes in the first place. We all know what they look like! It could be worse. It could be the fic that described House & Cameron's son as a "blue eye." That was it! Just an eyeball, apparently.

Anyone any comments on why fic writers are often so bad at writing smut, particularly of the slash variety - apart from the obvious that most of us are women :) Word choice definitely plays a big part in it. There's nothing more fetid than reading a sex that is described in the most graphically disturbing manner. Less is usually more, I find. And I think a lot of people use porn itself as a basis of what sex should be like. Unfortunately, and this might just be my opinion, porn is pretty unpleasant and boring. And not at all erotic. The thing that really bothers me is when one of the male characters is feminised. If I'm reading about two men getting it on, I want those men to be men, damn it. Dear lord, words fail me..... Ticcy, its clear you'll fit right in around here ;D Hoorah! =D

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