Patient: You know what, Dr. Wilson? I'm not really happy with your care anymore. Can you refer me to that sweet Dr. House?

House: Wilson. I need some space.

Cuddy is lying in a hospital bed in Maternity holding her newborn baby. House bursts into the room. House: I've been waiting nine months to get a DNA sample and find out who's the father of your demon spawn. Hand it over. Cuddy: (sigh) Fine. House: (looks at baby) Oh my God! Either the lights in here just dimmed or... it... you... Cuddy: You didn't really think I hired Foreman back here for his medical skills, did you?

(House, Wilson and Amber enter Cuddy's office.) Amber: We need an arbitrator. House: Wilson just won two tickets to the Bruce Springsteen concert in the radio station's contest, which I entered his name in by the way- Amber: And we both want to go with him. (Cuddy looks at Wilson, he shrugs) House: I was all for settling it by arm wrestling, but Wilson has some quaint idea about not fighting with women. Amber: So we agreed that you could choose. Who goes with Wilson to the concert? Cuddy: I do. (Takes Wilson's arm, they walk out of the office together)

(House, Wilson and Amber enter Cuddy's office.) Amber: We need an arbitrator. House: Wilson just won two tickets to the Bruce Springsteen concert in the radio station's contest, which I entered his name in by the way- Amber: And we both want to go with him. (Cuddy looks at Wilson, he shrugs) House: I was all for settling it by arm wrestling, but Wilson has some quaint idea about not fighting with women. Amber: So we agreed that you could choose. Who goes with Wilson to the concert? Cuddy: I do. (Takes Wilson's arm, they walk out of the office together) Ok, whom I'll have to bribe to see this happening? Seriously, they can ask anything...

House: You're right! House: You're smart! House: Dr. Cuddy, you are absolutely right! There is so much I can learn about the goodness of humanity by working in the clinic. Evil Nurse Brenda: I love... Cuddy: These low cut blouses really aren't that professional.

Cuddy: Fuck the clinic, let's go get wasted.

Kutner: House! We figured out what's wrong with Amber! Taub: It's an allergy to superglue. Thirteen: I found the glue when I did a pelvic exam. Foreman: But why would she put superglue in her - House (memory coming back): Oh, crap... Wilson: KILL!! (beats up House) Wilson: Amber's dying! (sobs) Cuddy: Well, think of it as one less alimony payment. House: That should have been my line!

David Shore: Here are the scripts for season 5. (They all look) OW: I die a slow tragic death of Huntington's just as I finally discover true love? LE: House gets me pregnant, then delivers the baby himself and the baby almost dies? OE: I get my arm cut off by a helicoptor? JS: I'm the apprentice of a cannabalistic serial killer? JM: What's this about a snow globe? (S4 blooper tape) RSL: Ho ho! I have no idea what I'm doing, what play I'm in... I could be Walter Mattheau right now. AD: I'm dying, remember? RSL: Oh, right! HL: Robert, for God's sake.