5.01 - Dying Changes Everything

Cuddy might have know if she had spoken with him either way she did not try and in the end she admitted she didn't really know why he was going. It is true that Wilson was indicating that he was leaving because of Amber (Does that mean he lied to Cameron or that Cameron is right he doesn't really know everything he is doing right now?) House did try somewhat to get into it with him and Wilson said it was not House's business and he was not discussing it. In the end Wilson finally stopped protecting House which is partly what his leaving is about and told him the unvarnished truth as he curently sees it. House is going to have to learn to deal with difficult things even when he's vulnerable, especially then, otherwise the enabling will just start all over again.

Wilson only opened up about his real feelings when House had completely let his guard down and was completely vulnerable and had even offered to help, to be the friend that Wilson has said he needed, that that was when Wilson said not only that they were no longer friends, but that they had never been friends Wilson tried his best to go away without hurting House more than he knew he would. He said he was in pain and needed a change of scenery - most people would understand this need (like Cam and Foreman!) - but not House. He tried everything - even to let his patient die, in order to put the burden of her death on Wilson to make him stay and prevent that outcome, something that I find almost insane! - and once everything failed he showed vulnerability. Wilson's last resource was the truth and he did it twisting the knife because the truth might not be enough to keep House away from him. His last line was the final push: give up because I won't change my mind. During all the episode he tried to protect House from that, only at the end he noticed that he should be trying to protect himself, and the only way to walk of that place was killing every single hope that House might have. I don't see any particular desire from Wilson to be cruel, but once everything else failed, he used what he thought would get him free. Wilson is not House's property and he do have the right to mistrust him and leave him!

So...one thing I got to say about this episode:(which i felt hasn't been mentioned just as much as it should be even though 13 makes me passive agressive too) the new cane...which reminded me of the fact that my most favorite cane in the whole wide world died in that bus accident too...nothing is ever going to be like the flames...

Not sure if this is the right place, but on the Fox main site...one of the writers answered questions about the season premier and the answers are up. He answered one of my questions! They might be a bit spoilery. http://www.fox.com/house/features/qa/QA1.htm

1. It is spoilery. 2. It is already under discussion in the Season 5 general discussion thread and, I believe, in the spoiler spec thread.

Sorry, didn't realize it was in the Season 5 general thread.

Wilson only opened up about his real feelings when House had completely let his guard down and was completely vulnerable and had even offered to help, to be the friend that Wilson has said he needed, that that was when Wilson said not only that they were no longer friends, but that they had never been friends Wilson tried his best to go away without hurting House more than he knew he would. He said he was in pain and needed a change of scenery - most people would understand this need (like Cam and Foreman!) - but not House. He tried everything - even to let his patient die, in order to put the burden of her death on Wilson to make him stay and prevent that outcome, something that I find almost insane! - and once everything failed he showed vulnerability. Wilson's last resource was the truth and he did it twisting the knife because the truth might not be enough to keep House away from him. His last line was the final push: give up because I won't change my mind. During all the episode he tried to protect House from that, only at the end he noticed that he should be trying to protect himself, and the only way to walk of that place was killing every single hope that House might have. I don't see any particular desire from Wilson to be cruel, but once everything else failed, he used what he thought would get him free. Wilson is not House's property and he do have the right to mistrust him and leave him! Yes, I agree that Wilson didn't intend to be cruel, but the end result is that he was. Let's look at this from another angle. Put yourself in House's position. He feels guilty about Amber dying, is suffering the aftereffects of the cracked skull, concussion, DBS, etc. (some of which cause emotional instability, by the way), and is fearful that his one friend, his longtime buddy, now hates him. Wilson, whom he normally talks to daily or almost daily, hasn't spoken to him in two months. He wasn't there for him during his recuperation, and he has neither blamed him for Amber's death nor thanked him for his life-threatening attempt to save her. Wilson doesn't seem to be aware that House has stepped far away from his comfort zone to do this, AND has not apparently noticed that House has not bothered Wilson since, which is very out of character from his normal behavior. He's giving Wilson time and space in the hope that things will settle down and he won't lose the friendship. For his part, House is functioning in a vacuum -- with no interaction with Wilson, he has no idea what's going on in Wilson's head, so when Wilson finally comes back, House decides to continue giving him space. The friendship that was once so comfortable is now terribly awkward. After two months, Wilson comes back and abruptly announces that he's going away (or words to that effect -- can't remember the exact phrasing). House, in an attempt to be supportive, says "Good for you. If you need more time, take it." (Again, I'm paraphrasing.) Wilson bluntly announces that he's resigning and probably leaving New Jersey. If you were House, how would you feel? This is the same friend who, after the dissolution of more than one marriage, has shown up on House's doorstep unannounced and expected to be taken in and taken care of... and has been. This is the friend he relied on after Stacy left and the leg thing happened. This is the same friend with whom he has spent Christmas, shared Friday night movies, conferred with professionally, and whose company he has really enjoyed for the most part. He's blindsided. He's hurt and he's angry. He'd hoped the by giving Wilson all that time, things would be better. The logical part of his mind says "This is Grief 101." And the part of him that can't control his mouth says it aloud. There's probably also a part of him that is surprised that the normally compassionate James Wilson has not even asked how he's doing... after two months and after he had suffered a fractured skull, serious concussion, heart attack AND the DBS that Wilson wanted him to undergo, which endangered his life. For a day or so (however long the episode lasts), he's walking on eggshells around Wilson. He tries behaving toward Wilson as he normally would, speaking his mind and hoping that's the right thing to do. But Wilson continues to avoid him, and is clearly angry, although he's trying to repress it. He doesn't want Wilson to leave, can't believe that this is happening, and tries the best he can to find a way to get Wilson to stay. The fact that these things are outrageous and useless are just House's way of saying, "Don't leave me. I care about you." And in fact, he's does say it to Wilson, when he says "Your friendship means more to me than this patient's life." (Or words to that effect.) He's actually opening up a fair amount by saying that, and Wilson, instead of addressing the friendship issue right there, allows House to jeopardize the patient rather than tell House what's really going on, which leaves House with false hope that the relationship can be salvaged. Cuddy forces them into the Couples Counseling, which only confirms for House that Wilson wants nothing to do with him. His feeling of hurt magnifies. His worst fears are coming true, and he doesn't know what to do about it. Finally, in desperation, he strips away all his defenses and goes to apologize to Wilson, hoping that if he opens himself up, he won't lose his friend, and terrified that by doing so, he'll get really hurt. Again, remember, this is the same friend who (unbeknownst to House but known to the rest of us) warned Cameron not to hurt him -- that if House opened up again and got hurt, he might not ever try again. Wilson listens to the apology and then tells him that he doesn't blame House. Thank God. He doesn't blame me. He's just grieving and needs more time. He thinks he'll get it by leaving. That's all that's going on. And then Wilson lays it on him -- not intentionally, I believe, but that doesn't diminish the effect it's got on House. "You spread misery because you can't feel anything else. You manipulate people becaue you can't handle any kind of real relationship." Again, put yourself in House's place. He's relieved that Wilson doesn't blame him for Amber's death. He's confused because Wilson's clearly annoyed with him still, but he has no idea about what. And Wilson's leaving. How would you feel if your best friend, after two months of complete silence, suddenly lays this on you? Personally, I'd be devastated. And then Wilson goes on: "And I've enabled it. For years, the games, the binges, the middle of the night phone calls..." Wilson's obviously upset, not only with House but with himself. I would think this part of the conversation would be a blur to House after the previous part. But if House is thinking about it at all, there may be a part of his mind that is wondering why Wilson couldn't just come to him and say -- as friends sometimes do in these kinds of situations -- "Look, I've been thinking about this a lot, and I think I've encouraged bad behavior in you. I don't think I can do that anymore. I've learned a lot during these two months, and I just can't do it. The only way I know to deal with this is to leave. I know this will hurt you, but it's something I need to do." THAT would have been the fair way to handle it, in my opinion. But no. Wilson is too emotional overwrought (understandable, but again, I'm looking at this from House's perspective) to do something like that. He plays the martyr for several days -- protecting House by barely even speaking with him. I don't know how many of you have gotten the cold shoulder from someone you consider a close friend, but if you have, you know how horrible it is. Something's very wrong... and you have no idea what it is. So Wilson goes on: "I should have been the one on the bus, not... You should have been alone on the bus. If I've learned anything from Amber it's that I have to take care of myself." Okay. That's hard to hear, but he's probably right. And as a friend, House wants Wilson to take care of himself. And then the bombshell: "We're not friends anymore, House. I'm not sure we ever were." Here House has been in this vacuum for two months, with no communication from Wilson whatsoever. He thinks it's all about blame for Amber's death. That gets resolved. And suddenly, WHAM! The friendship is over. He's a terrible person who spreads misery wherever he goes, and is someone who can't handle a real relationship (despite the fact that he'd once had one with Stacy). And Wilson is completely severing ties with him. The man he considered his best friend, whom he had trusted more than anyone else, has suddenly informed him that because of... what? His misery? Wilson's enabling? His inability to function as other people do?... they are no longer friends. And, in fact, that Wilson doesn't think they ever were. And it's apparently because there's something inherently wrong with him as a person. Then Wilson grabs his box of desk stuff and just leaves. Now, if you were House, how would you feel?

Exactly as House looked and behaved during that scene. Frozen. Bitchslapped. Devastated.

Exactly as House looked and behaved during that scene. Frozen. Bitchslapped. Devastated. Exactly.

And 13's issues--13 the feminazi, apparently--had precious little to do with House. I would say her issues had a whole lot to do with House and the theme of the ep as a whole. The theme was going on after a loss and Wilson, House and 13 are each at a different place in that process. 13 has processed her loss of a future enough to have come up with a coping strategy: make the most of the rest of her life so she leaves behind a legacy of some kind, and she's so raw she's projecting her issues on the case. Wilson is in the process of defining his strategy, which is he will cope with the loss of Amber by deliberately inducing the loss of House, and he's so raw he's projecting his pain about Amber onto his relationship with House, repressing both the good parts of the relationship and his own mistakes and boundary crossing as he focuses only on what he's given to House. He projects his fears onto the case as well, as he initially suspects Foreman is only consulting him as a way to persuade him to stay. And House spends the episode fearing that he will lose Wilson whatever he does and he's so scared he projects his issues onto the case, for once in his life thinking of a puzzle in emotional terms: if he gives it up for Wilson, Wilson will be able to read his emotions and he won't have to risk getting really vulnerable by verbalising what he's feeling. Each of three is at some stage of dealing with a terrible loss and in each case, they interpret what's going on around them in terms of that loss. Trust me, I'm not so dumb as to not see the general themes of an episode. And with 13, those themes--along with the rest of her "issues"--are usually spelled out and pounded over the head of the audience in an anvilicious way. My point was that--unlike most duckling exploratory stories in the past--is that there is very little intersection with House himself as a character. Chase might have owned "The Mistake" but House played a substantial role in the flashbacks and the investigation as it went on. In DCE, we had 13 off on her own with the patient and House off dealing with Wilson and Cuddy on his own with not a whole lot of intersection. It worked in the sense that I really don't want 13 anywhere near House's dealings with Wilson but was also epic fail in that OW is not capable of carrying a substantial storyline on her own and hogging up that much screentime. The result is a very schizophrenic episode in which only parts, not the sum total, work.

I don't feel like there's a competition. Whose pain is bigger? Whose pain is real? Whose pain is truer? Like only one of them deserves sympathy. I keep reading all theses posts. Only Wilson know what pains is. Only House knows what pains is. How dare you say that both of them are pain when is clear only X is. I just keep seeing two very damaged souls who are BOTH hurting and lashing out. Two people who for a number of years have moved beyond the definitions of friendship to forge something so convoluted that even they don't know how to define it. Two people who loved each other more that they loved anyone else and who have hurt each other deeper that they have anyone else. Yes, House is hurt and devastated. Yes, Wilson is hurt and devastated. They both would probably spend sometime not seeing anything other that their own pain. But, eventually both of them will begin to heal and find their way to each other. I don't know who needs the relationship more, I don't know who loves "more", I don't know who is more "fragile", I don't know who is more easily hurt. All I know is these two guys need each other, love each other, these two guys are fragile emotionally and it's easy (for those who know them) to hurt them. All I know is that these two guys break my heart with a look, make me smile with a gesture, make me dream with a word.

He wasn't there for him during his recuperation, and he has neither blamed him for Amber's death nor thanked him for his life-threatening attempt to save her. ... There's probably also a part of him that is surprised that the normally compassionate James Wilson has not even asked how he's doing... after two months and after he had suffered a fractured skull, serious concussion, heart attack AND the DBS that Wilson wanted him to undergo, which endangered his life. Bolding mine. Thanks for being (from what I've seen) the first person to point this out. Wilson's grief should not have blinded him to House's own situation, and the fact that it did, is just one more reason I so dislike the character nowadays. I will also probably make myself extremely unpopular hereabouts for saying that Wilson and House go back way, way before Wilson and Amber, that Amber/Wilson was a fairly short relationship and in the episodes prior to HH, never given the kind of weight that would justify this access of grief. It's possibly a result of the truncated season, possibly because of the (IMO) lack of chemistry between RSL/AD, and possibly because it was sprung as a gimmick. But I never believed in it. You don't make an audience buy into the seriousness of a relationship by such silly, jokey, devices as the "shared custody" bit (which was also, IMO, utterly unjustified by any previous depiction of the H/W friendship). When something like that is played for laughs, I call it bogus to lay on a tragic plot development just a couple of episodes, and little character development, later. Only the excellent acting by RSL and AD made WH even moderately credible for me, but I still felt I was being played. All, of course JMO.

I completely disagree that Cuddy's job was to make House admit he caused Amber's death. He didn't. I think Cuddy was much more spot on in trying to get House to admit that even though he didn't cause her death, he does still feel a survivor's guilt and he certainly feels badly that she died. She was also accurate in noting that House was holding back because he was afraid that even if he did, it wouldn't be enough and Wilson would leave anyway. I don't think it reflects on her caring about Wilson that she wasn't as accurate on what he was feeling. Wilson is well established as the hardest character on the show to get a read on. Even House never quite knows where he is with Wilson. I'm assuming this was in response to my list of "he needs to..." He needs to acknowledge that he set the events in motion that resulting in Amber's death. He needs to be a better friend to Wilson. He needs to open up for once and show Wilson that he cares. He needs to... I was giving a list of the type of thing Cuddy could ask of House to show that she also cared about Wilson while keeping the show about House. I realize I expressed it badly. I do not mean that House caused Amber's death. He didn't. House put it best in the final scene: "I know I didn't try to kill her. I know I didn't want her hurt. I know it was a freak accident. But I feel like crap and she'd dead because of me." If Cuddy had tried to get something like that out of House -- or even just an acknowledgement that he cares about Wilson for more than prescription refills, Wilson might have actually gotten something other than "go to hell" out of the couples counseling.

If Cuddy had tried to get something like that out of House -- or even just an acknowledgement that he cares about Wilson for more than prescription refills, Wilson might have actually gotten something other than "go to hell" out of the couples counseling. But that was what Cuddy was trying to get out of House. I believe that was the entire topic of conversation at the nurse's station when he tried to steal the remote back. The only reason it didn't come up during the counseling was because House was being too much of a stubborn ass and Wilson walked out.

sherlock wrote: Put yourself in House's position I'll do my best. Promise! :wink: He feels guilty about Amber dying Are you sure? He was not responsible for her death, so his rationalization about why he shouldn't be held responsible it quite reasonable. I think since the beginning he knew that Wilson wasn't leaving because of Amber, that his decision was based in something much more frightening for House. Despite a lot of misunderstandings, they do know each other very well. Wilson, whom he normally talks to daily or almost daily, hasn't spoken to him in two months Nor did House have spoken to Wilson. What do you think is more likely? House really wants to give time to Wilson's grief to fade, or House is scared to confront Wilson and does what he always did when he must face an uncomfortable situation: to pretend that nothing is happening? We don't know if Wilson didn't call Cuddy from wherever he was to ask about House. We don't know if House tried to contact Wilson somehow. We only know that they didn't talk to each other in two months. Probably because both of them were avoiding the other. House, in an attempt to be supportive, says "Good for you... His first supportive words are: 'you really are milking this bereavement thing...' Very sensitive and very House. It's a defensive reaction, he attacks when he fears an emotional confrontation. I'm sure anyone would be touched by his kind words. I'm also sure that Wilson didn't expect anything different. House's welcome only reinforced his decision. He'd hoped the by giving Wilson all that time, things would be better. He'd hope that by giving Wilson time, everything would be forgiven and forgotten. Nothing would change, like always. This time something changed and he is hurt, blindsided and angry because he can't control the change - not that he wouldn't try. He doesn't want Wilson to leave, can't believe that this is happening, and tries the best he can to find a way to get Wilson to stay. His best is to endanger a patient's life? Is blackmailing Wilson to stay or else he's gonna give up everything? This is not his best, this is desperation because he knew that Wilson, quite likely, wouldn't change his mind. Wilson, instead of addressing the friendship issue right there, allows House to jeopardize the patient rather than tell House what's really going on How is that suddenly Wilson is also the responsible for this kind of thing and House is the poor, misunderstood guy is beyond me, sorry... I have no answer to that. Wilson lays it on him -- not intentionally, I believe, but that doesn't diminish the effect it's got on House. But of course it was intentionally! That was my point, Wilson tried everything to avoid to tell House the truth - that both already knew - but House kept pushing and while House was being his usual obnoxious self Wilson could keep pretending that Amber was the problem but at the end when there was nothing more that he could do, House used something that he knew Wilson would respond: sincerity, vulnerability. So Wilson used the truth. The only way to leave House is to hurt him enough so he wouldn't follow him. "Look, I've been thinking about this a lot, and I think I've encouraged bad behavior in you. I don't think I can do that anymore..." Do you really think this is something that would work with House? He would laugh and mock anyone naive enough to try this approach. "We're not friends anymore, House. I'm not sure we ever were." Maybe because friendship is a two-way street? During a long time I wondered if they were really friends - specially during the Tritter arc. Yes, House lend him his couch and his kitchen. Wilson lend him his time, money, freedom. Yes, House did a huge sacrifice for him with the DBS. Yes, House opened up to him and showed vulnerability. Too little, too late. Wilson doesn't blame him of Amber's death, but who knows how many things Wilson let died in his own life because he chose to stay at House's side? That sudden realisation is what scared House. There's nothing that he can say or do to change Wilson's mind because Wilson was right. Friendship is not what they have, lately - because I do think that at some point in their lives they were friends. The man he considered his best friend, whom he had trusted more than anyone else, has suddenly informed him that because of... what? His misery? Wilson's enabling? His inability to function as other people do?... they are no longer friends. The man that he always took for granted finally realised that at the end he would lose everything, even House, unless something changes. But, since House is not the one to accept defeat, I doubt that Wilson will have the peace of mind he thinks he needs. ixtab wrote: All I know is these two guys need each other, love each other, these two guys are fragile emotionally and it's easy (for those who know them) to hurt them. All I know is that these two guys break my heart with a look, make me smile with a gesture, make me dream with a word. Word! I feel sorry for both of them, I don't need to put myself in House's or Wilson's shoes to know that they are both hurt and that they both love each other deeply. This is not a competition of misery, the goal is to make their relationship better, healthier and equal.

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